Blessed By Failures and Disappointments

By Accident

I was involved in a car wreck on my mission during the summer of 1967, resulting in my companion and I having to walk everywhere in the heat and humidity of Carbondale, Illinois.  One week after the collision while walking across town to visit investigators, we just happened to bump into the Boswells from Jonesboro (20 miles away) as they were finishing a visit with an aunt.  They were a golden family whose conversion story still amazes me, and there is no question that barring the accident we never would have met and taught them.

Reflecting on how a serious collision precipitated and brought about our accidentally running into the Boswells, has made me reconsider how often the Lord has used or turned the failures and disappointments in my life as a means to ultimately bless me and others.  It has caused me to reassess my sorrows and fiascos through the lens of faith to see better the hand of the Lord in my life.  The examples below affirm that I can trust Him, who has done so much, so well - to do all things well, especially when experiencing defeats and setbacks.  It is very evident and I now understand that God blesses me by way of failures and disappointments.

Calapooia Rejection and Battery Failure

In April 1977 Kristie and I made a trip to get my sister's upright piano and were enthralled with the beautiful Willamette Valley.  That and better teacher salaries prompted me to send job inquiry letters to 22 school districts in western Oregon.  I was invited to interview for a position at Calapooia Junior High in Albany, Oregon.  Kristie and I were very excited about the prospect of moving to Albany and were terribly disappointed when I was not offered the job.  Returning to Nampa for a fifth school year was a terrible let down.  

It just happened, however, the National Science Foundation offered free computer classes that year for teachers at the College of Idaho.  Little did I realize, nor could I foresee, how those introductory programming classes would ultimately change my life and open numerous opportunities for advancement.  If I had been hired at Calapooia I seriously doubt if I ever would have become a school district administrator or successful computer consultant.

The very next summer we purchased a car battery recycling franchise with Erik (Kristie's brother) and moved to Albany, Oregon to make our fortune.  It soon became evident that the recycling franchise was a bust and the only jobs I was offered were washing dishes in a bar and working as a custodian at the Methodist church, requiring me to be there all day Sunday.  A month later I was scooping green beans at a food processing plant with a young man who had just graduated from high school.  It certainly was not a very auspicious start and there was no indication that only seven years later I would be asked to be a district school administrator - something I had never considered and which was primarily due to the skills obtained from the National Science Foundation programming classes and a failed business venture which got us to Oregon.

We Don't Need Your Kind

Without question I was the top student in the Vocational Agriculture II class my sophomore year at Parma High School, but my attitude and behavior were questionable.  About a month before the end of the school year I was kicked out class and sent to the Principals Office, where I was told, "We don't need your kind around here."  I was suspended from school until my parents could conference with the principal to discuss my behavior and possible return.

I went home to an empty house because my parents were out of town.  This was the first time they had left me in charge of the farm by myself to milk the cows and feed all the cattle, sheep and chickens, while they were at the Idaho Falls Temple.  If ever I have felt the pains of hell, it was when I got home realizing what I had to tell my parent when they returned the next day.  I was all alone with my pain and guilt for 24 hours.  It didn't help that my mother had been on the school board, and my sister Irene was a valedictorian, and my next sister Clara was a salutatorian.  Thank goodness my sister Norma broke the chain of overachievers so I wouldn't have to bear that burden alone.   Nevertheless, I realized that it really didn't matter what the school was going to do, because I had broken one of the unwritten rules of my family.  I was feeling the weight of family expectations, and the shame and emotional pain was monumental.

I was a good student, member of the Honor Society, and a student of the month my senior year, but I have an F for a semester grade as a reminder of one of my greatest and most painful learning experiences in a class where I was the top student.  Twenty-two years later, however, this failure would be very helpful while serving as the expulsion officer in a school district of 9,000 students.  Over a twenty year period I would conduct well over a thousand expulsion hearings for which my painful past helped prepare me in a manner I could learn in no other way.

Failing to Become a Teacher

Following my mission I remained at home to attend Treasure Valley Community College because of limited funds.  I really enjoyed my experience at TVCC, starring on the tennis team and in the classroom.  I was the top math student, very active with the church institute program, and dated more girls than any other time (as I remember I took out four different girls one weekend).  My good fortune continued with a job on a U.S Forest Service fire lookout the next summer.  Life was really good.

The fall of 1969 I returned to BYU to major in mathematics and began dating a girl to whom I would get engaged.  All seemed perfect, except instead of being the top math student in my classes, I found myself at the bottom.  I also started having debilitating migraine headaches and felt constrained to break off my engagement.  Things only got worse the next fall when I continued to struggle or fail in my math classes while the migraines increased and I became very isolated.  I remember thinking in the middle of the night that it would be better if I was not alive.

So how was this a blessing?  Well, the father of the family with whom I was living was an elementary school principal and I shifted my major to secondary math education which was easier and helped rebuild my confidence after a year and half of flunking classes.  I was also able to find out what caused my migraines - nitrates in processed lunch meats; and a girl showed some interest in me and made me laugh - which is always nice.  In time I would enjoy a very successful career as a school teacher/administrator - not because that is what I set out to do, but rather because I failed as a straight math major.  My experience with depression may have been a primary influence in my not over-reacting to Kristie's decade of depression, which could have torn our family apart.  I may not have been the best husband in Kristie's time of need, but my college experience with feelings of hopelessness tempered my response and allowed me to have at least a limited understanding of her despair.  I am so grateful our vows and family have remained intact and consider that my failures and misery at BYU to be a very small price for what is most precious to me.

Ad Nauseam

The four examples I have cited reveal a reoccurring pattern of failures or disappointments in my life which in time resulted in remarkable blessings and success which would not have occurred minus the misery.  I have other examples which I can relate where a disaster or tragedy was a prelude or necessary step in my good fortune or ultimate achievement, but I see no need to bore others with numerous, but tiring examples.  It seems that it has been in my despair and struggles that the love of God has been manifest to me as referred to in D&C 6:22-24.  Certainly Joseph in Egypt saw his life in a similar vein as he witnessed in Gensis 45:5,8.

Anticipation and Current Misfortunes

While this pattern is easy to see in hindsight, I can't help feeling that there is real benefit in viewing this archetype by looking forward when in the midst of trials.  I struggle while dealing with Kristie's Alzheimer's, missing her greatly and feeling trapped somewhat myself - though nothing like what she is experiencing with her total incapacity.  Is it really possible that the Lord is using this affliction as a means to bless us in a manner and to a degree we cannot comprehend?

Based on past experiences, and this insight of how the Lord uses tragedy and misfortunes to shape and prepare us for something even better than we can imagine, should give me, and us, courage and confidence that things will turn out and surpass our dreams.  It really does not behoove us to complain or doubt that ultimately God will transform our problems and calamities into unmeasured joy and happiness.  Maybe we can get through our current tribulations with the understanding and belief that they are a necessary woe in order to promote and bring about our future well-being and unprecedented happiness.