Only by Persuasion and Love Unfeigned

 

It is horrible to observe a father and teenage son fighting it out, in a no-holds-barred contest just to determine who is the boss. Sadly, I have witnessed this ugly scene in other families as a father and son duke it out; and believe me, no one is the winner, no matter who comes out on top.

My father was a very strong and physically fit man, and even though he was in his early sixties when I was a senior in high school I remember he could still walk on his hands. My respect for Lorin Goates, however, was not based on fear or a concern about him physically forcing or over-powering me. That was not his style or who he was. I have often reflected on our father-son interactions during the week of my graduation from high school in June of 1965. It is amazing how stupid kids can be around the time they graduate from high school. I remember going to parties and driving around with five of my friends witnessing classmates passed out from drinking and others in remarkably stupid, embarrassing situations. For three night in a row, I didn't get home until about 2 a.m., and as you can imagine my parents were worried and angry. The third night, shortly after I fell into my bed in the basement, my father knocked on my door and said we needed to talk. What impresses me fifty year later was the fact that dad never threatened me, he simply talked about how it wasn't good or safe to be out that late at night and it needed to stop. He talked about how he and mother worried about me, and they weren't able to sleep which made it very difficult for them to function during the day because of their concern for me. There were lots of pauses in what father said to me. I know he was looking for words and trying to find a way to impress upon my mind the stupidity of my actions and it could only lead to trouble. All I wanted to do was go to sleep and I remember saying "okay", and then he was gone. I have often reflected on the fact that father never threatened me and that he may have felt like he was somehow failing, and I wasn't respecting him or the family expectations/rules. Dad's concern, patience, and attempts to reason with me at 2 a.m. that night have come to represent for me the concepts taught in Doctrine and Covenants 121:41, "No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned". I cannot adequately express my respect for Lorin Goates and the powerful example and influence for good he has been for me because of how he exercised his priesthood.