The Law of Compensation

My father introduced me to the eternal law or principle of compensation during my senior year at BYU.  Prior to Thanksgiving I broke up with someone I had been dating very seriously and so while home during the holiday, I requested a father's blessing for guidance and direction.

Part way through the blessing, however, I began to wonder why and questioned the wisdom of my even asking for a blessing when father said very slowly and in a halting manner something to the effect that "marriage can be difficult, discouraging, and depressing."  This was not very encouraging and certainly not the blessing or inspiration I was hoping to receive.

Then after a long pause, father continued, "but it will not be one-hundredth the joy in eternity for those who are faithful to their eternal covenants."  While I do not remember much else about the blessing, the ratio of hundred to one really stuck.  

A couple years later and after I was married, I reminded father of this blessing and while I agreed that marriage could bring more happiness than disappointment, I questioned him whether he might have exaggerated or resorted to hyperbole when he foretold the ratio of joy hereafter to sorrow in this life could be 100 to 1.  Father, however, did not back down or minimize in anyway what he had said in the blessing.  In fact, he seemed even more resolute or sure of the principle and the proportion.

Later I would find this same ratio (and even "more") in the Doctrine and Covenants, “And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.” (D&C 78:19.) 

Thirty-six years after my father's blessing, Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin explained in the 2008 October General Conference that, "If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness."  He then shared principles to help us get through times of testing and trial, including - "The third thing we can do is understand the principle of compensation. The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."

The Savior Himself confirmed this over abundant return in the eternities when he told his disciples, “And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name’s sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life” (Matt. 19:29).

A knowledge of and appreciation for this principle of compensation is invaluable, particularly when overwhelmed with pain, suffering, and despondency.  It saved me from a severe bout of depression - the kind where you are not able to sleep at night and are constantly flooded with crushing feelings of despair and foreboding with no end of the suffering in sight.  After three miserable days and nights, and while feeling great emotional pain, I thought upon this principle and then heard the spirit speak to me, "Oh, He (the Lord) wants to bless to you"

I knew immediately that this message was referring to the agony I was experiencing and that by the law of compensation at some point my joy could be 100 times greater than my anguish if I would but trust and obey the Lord.  Almost instantaneously with this realization I felt myself being surrounded by a protective bubble of faith and my misery and despondency were supplanted by hope, strength, and light.   This remarkably rapid transformation caused me to marvel because I had worried and realized that I could not pull myself out of the overwhelming depression.  Just knowing that the God we worship is magnanimous and desires to bless us, can provide the inspiration and strength we need when tested to or beyond our limits. 
 
As Neal A. Maxwell observed, "How can you and I really expect to glide naively through life, as if to say, 'Lord, give me experience, but not grief, not sorrow, not pain, not opposition, not betrayal, and certainly not to be forsaken. Keep from me, Lord, all those experiences which made Thee what Thou art!. Then, let me come and dwell with Thee and fully share Thy joy!'"[1]
 

I am grateful for the law of compensation and appreciate it most when hurting or suffering with pain.  I know that some day it will be more than worth it all, and "through God’s compassion, kindness, and love, we will all receive more than we deserve, more than we can ever earn, and more than we can ever hope for"[2] - even an hundred fold, yea, more!

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[1] Neal A. Maxwell, "Lest Ye Be Wearied and Faint in Your Minds", Ensign, May 1991.

[2] Dale G. Renlund, "That I Might Draw All Men Unto Me", April 2016 General Conference

Blessed By Failures and Disappointments

By Accident

I was involved in a car wreck on my mission during the summer of 1967, resulting in my companion and I having to walk everywhere in the heat and humidity of Carbondale, Illinois.  One week after the collision while walking across town to visit investigators, we just happened to bump into the Boswells from Jonesboro (20 miles away) as they were finishing a visit with an aunt.  They were a golden family whose conversion story still amazes me, and there is no question that barring the accident we never would have met and taught them.

Reflecting on how a serious collision precipitated and brought about our accidentally running into the Boswells, has made me reconsider how often the Lord has used or turned the failures and disappointments in my life as a means to ultimately bless me and others.  It has caused me to reassess my sorrows and fiascos through the lens of faith to see better the hand of the Lord in my life.  The examples below affirm that I can trust Him, who has done so much, so well - to do all things well, especially when experiencing defeats and setbacks.  It is very evident and I now understand that God blesses me by way of failures and disappointments.

Calapooia Rejection and Battery Failure

In April 1977 Kristie and I made a trip to get my sister's upright piano and were enthralled with the beautiful Willamette Valley.  That and better teacher salaries prompted me to send job inquiry letters to 22 school districts in western Oregon.  I was invited to interview for a position at Calapooia Junior High in Albany, Oregon.  Kristie and I were very excited about the prospect of moving to Albany and were terribly disappointed when I was not offered the job.  Returning to Nampa for a fifth school year was a terrible let down.  

It just happened, however, the National Science Foundation offered free computer classes that year for teachers at the College of Idaho.  Little did I realize, nor could I foresee, how those introductory programming classes would ultimately change my life and open numerous opportunities for advancement.  If I had been hired at Calapooia I seriously doubt if I ever would have become a school district administrator or successful computer consultant.

The very next summer we purchased a car battery recycling franchise with Erik (Kristie's brother) and moved to Albany, Oregon to make our fortune.  It soon became evident that the recycling franchise was a bust and the only jobs I was offered were washing dishes in a bar and working as a custodian at the Methodist church, requiring me to be there all day Sunday.  A month later I was scooping green beans at a food processing plant with a young man who had just graduated from high school.  It certainly was not a very auspicious start and there was no indication that only seven years later I would be asked to be a district school administrator - something I had never considered and which was primarily due to the skills obtained from the National Science Foundation programming classes and a failed business venture which got us to Oregon.

We Don't Need Your Kind

Without question I was the top student in the Vocational Agriculture II class my sophomore year at Parma High School, but my attitude and behavior were questionable.  About a month before the end of the school year I was kicked out class and sent to the Principals Office, where I was told, "We don't need your kind around here."  I was suspended from school until my parents could conference with the principal to discuss my behavior and possible return.

I went home to an empty house because my parents were out of town.  This was the first time they had left me in charge of the farm by myself to milk the cows and feed all the cattle, sheep and chickens, while they were at the Idaho Falls Temple.  If ever I have felt the pains of hell, it was when I got home realizing what I had to tell my parent when they returned the next day.  I was all alone with my pain and guilt for 24 hours.  It didn't help that my mother had been on the school board, and my sister Irene was a valedictorian, and my next sister Clara was a salutatorian.  Thank goodness my sister Norma broke the chain of overachievers so I wouldn't have to bear that burden alone.   Nevertheless, I realized that it really didn't matter what the school was going to do, because I had broken one of the unwritten rules of my family.  I was feeling the weight of family expectations, and the shame and emotional pain was monumental.

I was a good student, member of the Honor Society, and a student of the month my senior year, but I have an F for a semester grade as a reminder of one of my greatest and most painful learning experiences in a class where I was the top student.  Twenty-two years later, however, this failure would be very helpful while serving as the expulsion officer in a school district of 9,000 students.  Over a twenty year period I would conduct well over a thousand expulsion hearings for which my painful past helped prepare me in a manner I could learn in no other way.

Failing to Become a Teacher

Following my mission I remained at home to attend Treasure Valley Community College because of limited funds.  I really enjoyed my experience at TVCC, starring on the tennis team and in the classroom.  I was the top math student, very active with the church institute program, and dated more girls than any other time (as I remember I took out four different girls one weekend).  My good fortune continued with a job on a U.S Forest Service fire lookout the next summer.  Life was really good.

The fall of 1969 I returned to BYU to major in mathematics and began dating a girl to whom I would get engaged.  All seemed perfect, except instead of being the top math student in my classes, I found myself at the bottom.  I also started having debilitating migraine headaches and felt constrained to break off my engagement.  Things only got worse the next fall when I continued to struggle or fail in my math classes while the migraines increased and I became very isolated.  I remember thinking in the middle of the night that it would be better if I was not alive.

So how was this a blessing?  Well, the father of the family with whom I was living was an elementary school principal and I shifted my major to secondary math education which was easier and helped rebuild my confidence after a year and half of flunking classes.  I was also able to find out what caused my migraines - nitrates in processed lunch meats; and a girl showed some interest in me and made me laugh - which is always nice.  In time I would enjoy a very successful career as a school teacher/administrator - not because that is what I set out to do, but rather because I failed as a straight math major.  My experience with depression may have been a primary influence in my not over-reacting to Kristie's decade of depression, which could have torn our family apart.  I may not have been the best husband in Kristie's time of need, but my college experience with feelings of hopelessness tempered my response and allowed me to have at least a limited understanding of her despair.  I am so grateful our vows and family have remained intact and consider that my failures and misery at BYU to be a very small price for what is most precious to me.

Ad Nauseam

The four examples I have cited reveal a reoccurring pattern of failures or disappointments in my life which in time resulted in remarkable blessings and success which would not have occurred minus the misery.  I have other examples which I can relate where a disaster or tragedy was a prelude or necessary step in my good fortune or ultimate achievement, but I see no need to bore others with numerous, but tiring examples.  It seems that it has been in my despair and struggles that the love of God has been manifest to me as referred to in D&C 6:22-24.  Certainly Joseph in Egypt saw his life in a similar vein as he witnessed in Gensis 45:5,8.

Anticipation and Current Misfortunes

While this pattern is easy to see in hindsight, I can't help feeling that there is real benefit in viewing this archetype by looking forward when in the midst of trials.  I struggle while dealing with Kristie's Alzheimer's, missing her greatly and feeling trapped somewhat myself - though nothing like what she is experiencing with her total incapacity.  Is it really possible that the Lord is using this affliction as a means to bless us in a manner and to a degree we cannot comprehend?

Based on past experiences, and this insight of how the Lord uses tragedy and misfortunes to shape and prepare us for something even better than we can imagine, should give me, and us, courage and confidence that things will turn out and surpass our dreams.  It really does not behoove us to complain or doubt that ultimately God will transform our problems and calamities into unmeasured joy and happiness.  Maybe we can get through our current tribulations with the understanding and belief that they are a necessary woe in order to promote and bring about our future well-being and unprecedented happiness.

Responding to Church Callings

The Precedent

One of the oft-repeated stories from my parents was regarding the events and situation surrounding Lorin being called to serve as a bishop.  He was promoted from a foreman to an assistant-superintendent of the Amalgamated Sugar factory in Nyssa, Oregon, and made the comment to Lucile that he knew he would be watched with all the new responsibilities at work, and therefore was considering whether to ask to be released from all church responsibilities other than home teaching for one year so he could concentrate on doing his best in his new position.  It was only a day or two later that the stake president called to meet with Lorin and Lucile to extend the call for him to be the bishop of the Parma Ward.  Without question it was a sacrifice, but they responded with faith.  

Bishop Lorin Goates with his counselors

This all occurred shortly before the beginning of the sugar campaign with the required rotating shifts, in addition to the annual end of year church tithing settlement.  Evidently, there were problems with the ward financial records which added significantly to the stress and load upon father.  With the pressure and stress of it all he had trouble sleeping which started to affect his health.  Nevertheless, he saw it through and I believe distinguished himself both at work and with the ward.

I was only eleven when father was called as a bishop, but I remember how busy he was and that as a family we were required to pick up the slack, particularly with milking the cows.  Lucile and Norma often helped with the outside chores when I was young.  As a young teenager I remember working many Saturdays with Olen Mower, who father hired, to clean out the corrals and barnyard in the spring.  We worked for hours scooping the mature by pitchfork into a spreader and then spreading it in the fields.  When I was sixteen, my father was released and all of a sudden, he was home on most Saturdays and there was no need to hire Olen any more because father and I could do the work together.  The influence of this story regarding my father being called to be bishop and how my parents would respond established a precedent and pattern for how their descendants would respond to church callings. 

  A Calling for Time and All Eternity

For time & all eternity

It is noteworthy that Kristie and I would first meet while we were waiting for our appointment with Bishop Nance, where he would call us to be BYU family home evening group parents.  That call brought us together and would change our lives forever.  What is so unusual and important to understand about our calling was what happened (or maybe it would be more accurate to say what didn't happen) at the end of the school year.  They never released Kristie and me from being family parents - hence our marriage in the Salt Lake Temple.

No Small Miracle

It was while signing the annual ward Christmas cards during the pre-Christmas bishopric party that Bishop Gene Chidester announced he had accepted a job in Utah and their family would be moving by the end of the month.  Talk about throwing cold water on the party, it soon felt like we were at a funeral.  A couple weeks later the stake presidency interviewed most of the active priesthood holders in the ward.  I distinctly remember driving out of the parking lot following my interview, knowing that I would not be someone they would consider.  After all, my father-in-law was lying bedfast in our living room in the last stages of Alzheimer's, Kristie had just begun counseling, and we were already overwhelmed as a family with multiple issues relating to our circumstances.  I had been very open and frank about our situation, and suggested others who would be excellent as bishop.

Being called as bishop was the least of my worries, because to say things were not good at home would be an vast understatement.  The stress and discord in our home was horrible.  As I remember the current culminating event, a family member was coming to visit for the holidays and invited a roommate along without first asking permission, at least Kristie and I were never asked.  This was after we had previously establish a rule that Marjorie, Kristie, and I all need to be aware and give our permission prior to accepting company.  Kristie was furious when she found out they were on their way without being informed and let her mother know of her displeasure in no uncertain terms.  You could say it was like pouring gasoline on a fire when I apologized to Kristie's mother for Kristie's reaction.  When Kristie became aware of my faux pas; well, it was the final straw.  I remember she left very angry with me that Saturday about noon, taking our daughters with her, and I knew we would not be on speaking terms for at least two weeks, after which there was a slight chance that if I didn't do anything else stupid, we would again establish some lines of communication.  Actually, only two weeks without talking was being optimistic.

I believe Kristie, Bryn, and Bree had been gone for about two hours when the phone rang and President Wayne Suggs asked if the stake presidency could talk with Kristie and me about 6:30 p.m. that evening (which as approximately 3 1/2 hours away).  I explained that Kristie was gone, but we would try to make it.  I don't remember whether I worried more about Kristie not getting back in time, or that she would get back, knowing that we were not even talking.  Kristie and our daughters arrived home about two hours later.  I still marvel at the events that were about to unfold.

A miracle before the call

When I told Kristie that the stake presidency wanted to meet with us at the church in an hour and a half, she responded with, "Well, if that is the case then we better get things resolved now."  With that, we walked down to Marjorie's room and knocked on her door.  While I was present and participated in our discussion, I still am not certain exactly what was said or what happened, but I remember that a half-hour later Kristie and I walked out, and miracle of all miracles, we were on speaking terms.  To this day, I consider this remarkable change as almost unbelievable.  To be perfectly honest, I do not think there is anything which I could have said or any apology that I could have made which would have have had the same effect in such a short time period.  And after that, there was no way I could refuse to accept the call to be a bishop because of what I had just witnessed.  It was no small miracle.

I wish I could say that the call to be a bishop immediately ended the ongoing problems which existed in our home, and between Kristie and me.  It did not, but the Lord did bless us, and through that calling and "sad experience" we did learn and grow to trust and love one another.

Branching Out

Beware of what you recommend for others, lest it should fall upon you.  While serving on the stake high council during the spring of 1998, I became both aware of and concerned about how Nels Iverson had served as the Jefferson branch president for eight years, often carrying the load almost by himself.  I'm not certain why he confided in me, but Nels called, and after we had a chance to meet and talk, I penned a letter to the newly called stake presidency informing them of the situation and suggesting they call someone else from outside the branch to provide some much needed and deserved relief to President Iverson.  To be honest, I thought or at least hoped that they would call the just released stake president and his wife, who would be an excellent choice.  Well, nothing came from my letter; at least no immediate action was taken.

Eighteen months later, I received a call that the stake presidency wanted to talk with me and Kristie.  It turns out that they would call me to be the Jefferson branch president, but possibly more significant were events related to Kristie and her attitude when this call was issued.

To explain, I believe it is helpful to acknowledge that real life can get messy.  Certainly family life can be difficult and awkward at times; and so can serving in the church.  All one has to do is read Genesis or 1st Nephi to observe how complicated and at odds things can be within good families; and church families are not always that different.  Kristie was serving in the stake Young Women's presidency who met with the new stake presidency on Wednesday evening to resign because of ongoing issues where they were not respected or allowed to serve in their callings.  The very next night, Kristie and I met with the stake presidency and they issued the call for me to serve as the Jefferson branch president.  When Kristie was asked how she felt about the calling, she didn't mince words and said she had questions regarding them (the stake presidency), but not regarding me and the call that was being issued.  I must give Kristie high marks for honesty and the faith to go forward when everything isn't just picture perfect and wonderful.

I am surprised at how I wrote my letter of concern regarding Jefferson Branch without any idea of the consequences it would eventually have on our family.  I am even more surprised at how Kristie could resign with her co-workers the night before, and then be willing to support my new calling the next night.  But most of all, I am surprise at how this calling would change and be such a blessing to our immediate and extended family.

The Jeffersonian Period

Initially, I started serving alone, without other members of my family.  Kristie was teaching Relief Society, one of her favorite callings, and loved her visiting teaching to and from Linda Dunmire - they would go to lunch each month.  I was fortunate that some new families had moved into Jefferson and I had excellent counselors.  Eventually, Kristie came, then Bree a year later while waiting for her mission call from the Jefferson branch, followed by Bryn, Marta, and Lisa (Kristie's sisters).  Every member of our family loved and served faithfully in the small branch.  The members in Jefferson were wonderful and very kind to us.  Five and a half years later, when I was released, it was very questionable who benefitted more from our serving in Jefferson - the branch or our family.  I refer to this time as the Jeffersonian Period for our family, which turned out to a time of remarkable growth for every member of our family who served in Jefferson.

A Patch Job

A few years after being released from serving in the Jefferson Branch, Elder Gerald N. Lund, a member of the Seventy and prolific LDS author, along with a brother Perry came to the Lebanon Oregon Stake to call a new stake presidency.  It is always interesting and amazing how  this all takes place over a weekend, and to me is one of the primary evidences of modern revelation.  There was the typical brief 3 or 4 minute interviews Saturday morning, followed by a phone call for Kristie and me to meet with them prior to the afternoon leadership meeting.  What is interesting about this particular call is who would be issuing it and his ability to understand our situation.

An Exelon Day

They had been inspired to call a remarkable new stake president and spoke with us about our situation and whether it would be appropriate to extend a call to be a counselor.  At this point Kristie had been diagnosed almost two year before with Alzheimer's and was told that she should no longer drive (which wasn't an issue since she had lost almost all sense of direction and could not even get to the church by herself).  I shared with them our circumstances, Kristie's ongoing dependency on me, and how she was on the new Exelon patches in an attempt to maintain her already limited abilities for as long as possible.  Brother Lund then informed us that his wife had also been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and had started on the new Exelon patches.  At that time his wife was still able to drive the 5-minutes to their children's home, so she was not as limited as Kristie.  Brother Perry then made the statement, "Now we know why Elder Lund was assigned to Lebanon, Oregon."  I find it very remarkable, and feel it was a tender mercy of the Lord that of all the general authorities, Elder Lund, whose wife was also wearing Exelon patches, would be the one talking with us.  He certainly could understand our situation better than any other general authority.  Six months later in October General Conference, Elder Lund would be released one year before he turned 70, which is the normal age for being released.  I do not know if his release was related to his wife's situation, but I certainly would understand if it was.  What I do know is that Elder Lund understood our situation - causing me to marvel and be grateful that he was sent to reorganize our stake.